He's an incompetent idiot, yes, but he's so incompetent that he actually gets the jobs done.
James Sknib was a hapless freighter pilot who lived during the times of the Galactic Empire. For some reason, he unwittingly caused chaos everywhere he went. Some believed that this was because he had some mysterious subconscious connection with the Force. Others believed that he was simply very stupid.
Despite this, James was still a caring person who more often than not simply wanted to do good for other people.
Over the course of his life, James's various efforts to obtain a living resulted in various adventures and misadventures, often leaving chaos in their wake.
Of course he's not cursed! And he doesn't have the Force or any such nonsense! All these catastrophes are just coincidental!
James was born on Terrakom around the Naboo Crisis in a tavern. A few minutes after he was born, his father's landspeeder crashed and his older brother was mugged. Both incidents, strangely enough, occurred nearly at the same time. His mother took the incidents to be terrible omens; his family thought nothing of it.
James grew up like any other child, save that he unwittingly caused havoc everywhere he went, such as accidentally causing a freighter to crash by mistaking a landing beacon for a parking meter and burning down a restaurant by knocking over a candle. In school, he was mostly avoided, even by bullies, due to the fact that anyone who came near him seemed to suffer a nasty accident shortly afterward. His mother soon came to the conclusion that James could have a curse on him, but the rest of the family mocked this idea.
When he was twelve, James made a chemical fuel for a science project at school. His father, proud of him, took him and the rest of his family for a ride around the planet in his father's freighter. Unfortunately, on its delivery to James's school, a chemical reaction occurred in the project, and the resulting explosion devastated part of Terrakom, throwing thousands of tons of dust into the atmosphere, blocking out the sun. A nuclear winter occurred, and the planet had to evacuated. James and family quietly slipped away and immigrated to Dantooine, intending to start a new life. The explosion on Terrakom was attributed to an asteroid impact.
On Dantooine, James's family became farmers, and much to his parent's relief, the havoc that normally accompanied James seemed to have subsided, although he was still clumsy. James joined a university on Dantooine, and successfully graduated, although he destroyed part of the university shortly after in an accident involving fuel barrels and a cigarette. Fortunately for him, the explosion was attributed to a reactor overload.
Now that James was older and had made it through his education, his family decided it was time for him to make his living in the galaxy. His father decided that James should be a freighter pilot, and gave James his old ship, the Hawk. James set off from Dantooine in the ship after saying goodbye to his family, and unwittingly burnt part of the family farm during takeoff.
Beginning of an adventureEdit
This should be easy.
—James upon setting off on his delivery
After weeks of cruising through space, the long journey being due to James's useless navigation skills, James arrived on Coruscant, and was instantly amazed by the city, which was much larger than the remote worlds of Terrakom and Dantooine. He then viewed a parade of stormtroopers in front of the Imperial Palace, and unwittingly ruined the parade by diverting a stormtrooper's attention by shouting at him and thus causing the other soldiers to fall over like dominoes. James slipped away in the confusion, and evaded Imperial police.
It did not take long for James to realize he was completely broke. He approached various freighter and trade companies if they had any jobs, but as soon as they viewed his piloting records, they refused him.
However, to his luck, he came across an especially desperate freighter company that needed a delivery to the planet of Alkuis IV in the Outer Rim. Although the fee was small, James immediately took the job. He loaded the Hawk with the crates he was to deliver and set off, not realizing how complicated this simple delivery would become.
Due to its outdated hyperdrive, the Hawk took a few days to reach the Inner Rim, but these few days were relatively uneventful. However, it began to run low on fuel, so James stopped by on Cato Neimoidia for fuel. He was sold some dodgy fuel by an unscrupulous Neimoidian, and set off. The fuel massively boosted his hyperdrive speed, and James soon reached the Outer Rim.
However, the hyperdrive began leaking badly. Knowing that spending any more time in space would result in certain death, James approached the nearest planet, a remote world called Huyt III, which did not appear on almost all of his charts. Soon, James was touching down in Huyt Spaceport, and confident that repairing the hyperdrive would not take long, set out.
Adventures on Hyut IIIEdit
However, after exploring the spaceport, James discovered that there was no place to buy hyperdrive parts—or indeed, any form of technology. Entering a cantina, he discovered that no ships had left or departed the planet for years, and as a result all parts-selling businesses had shut down long ago. James was horrified at the prospect of spending the rest of his life on the planet. He attempted to buy a drink, but angered the bartender when he realized he had no money. James tried to defuse the situation by engaging in smalltalk, but then the rest of the people in the cantina began to find him annoying, and he was all of a sudden faced with the prospect of a bar fight.
However, an attractive young woman entered and casually ordered everyone to calm down. She approached James and introduced herself as Amy Uiav, a local resident. She then invited a confused James to spend the night at her house.
At Amy's house on the outskirts of the city, James learned that there had been no visitors to the planet since the Clone Wars. He learned that the planet had been occupied by the CIS, then by the Empire, at which point the inhabitants revolted and violently expelled the Imperials from the planet. The Empire, having no interest in Hyut III, decided not to retake it. Ever since then, outsiders and visitors were treated with disdain.
Asking where he could find a way how to repair the hyperdrive, James also learned that far away in the jungles of the planet was a mysterious figure called the Hyut Oracle, who was rumored to be an ex-Jedi and reportedly knew everything. Unsure as to whether to believe this story, James asked if they could consult her. Amy explained that this would mean a long journey, but James told her that he was willing to do anything to get a move on. After brief consideration, Amy agreed to come with him and serve as a guide, but on the condition that she could have a guarantee of trusting him. James told her that he was willing to trust her.
The Y-Zero raceEdit
Both of them set off the next morning, and rode a landspeeder along a dirt path going through the jungle towards the next town. However, just as they reached the town, the landspeeder broke down, seemingly for no apparent reason. James was distraught when Amy told him that without a vehicle, it would take months to find the Oracle.
Fortunately, hope was not all lost. Amy told him that the Y-Zero Championship was to occur in the town—apparently, it was a high-speed race through a racetrack in the jungle, where contestants could choose a vehicle before the race. The winner of the championship would not only get a cash prize but would also get to keep his vehicle. Amy told him that this was the only legal way to gain a vehicle on this planet. James decided to participate in the race.
James successfully auditioned for the race by piloting a swoop bike along a small racetrack, but this was also due to the fact that most of the other people auditioning died in increasingly bizarre accidents. After the audition, James chose a vehicle, but was then threatened and bullied by the reigning champion, a mysterious Kaleesh. Immediately after, the Kaleesh tripped over a pebble whilst signing autographs for his fans.
James spent the night with Amy in a nearby inn. Early the next morning, he went to the racetrack, with virtually the entire population of the town there to watch. Unbeknownst to him, the Kaleesh had sabotaged his vehicle by literally throwing a spanner in the works.
The race began, but to the Kaleesh's horror, the spanner made James's vehicle go faster, for some strange reason. James completed the first lap without much incident, but on the second lap, the Kaleesh detonated some bombs he had placed, causing part of a mountainside to block the racetrack and forcing James to take a detour through a cave. The resulting landslide also destroyed most of the other racers.
Soon, the third and final lap had begun, with James and the Kaleesh going neck-and-neck. Suddenly, a jolt made the spanner puncture James's fuel tank, causing a fire to begin in the innards of his vehicle. Finally, as James neared the end of the lap, with him and the Kaleesh in joint first, his craft exploded, but he managed to eject at the last second. A jetpack on the back of the ejector seat activated, and James was thrown threw the air, and landed on the finish line, winning the race.
James had won the race and was applauded by all, but his vehicle had been destroyed. However, he was able to buy the Kaleesh's vehicle with most of his prize money, and him and Amy were free to continue on their way.
Descent into the JarlaccEdit
Using the racing vehicle, James and Amy were able to cover a substantial amount of ground in the space of two days, and were by now heading into a deadly, uncharted mountain range. As they traveled through the mountains, James detected a cave system that would seemingly provide a shortcut through the mountain. Entering the cave, James noted the fact that there was a noticeable absence of rocks, and that the cave was surprisingly wet. As they proceeded, they noticed that the wetness in the cave was corrosive, and the cave system that they were entering was similar to that of a sarlacc. To her horror, Amy realized that they had unwittingly entered a Jarlacc, an enormous mountain-sized cousin of the sarlacc that dwelt entirely underground and had a myriad of mouths disguised as cave entrances to lure creatures in. She also predicted that they had minutes before the stomach acids of the creature destroyed their vehicle.
James immediately went into a panic, and as he did so he accidentally made the vehicle realize a jet of ion exhaust, damaging a blood vessel of the Jarlacc. Immediately, the gigantic creature's immune system began to go out of its way to remove the vehicle. It sent a torrent of liquid through the organ they were traveling through and ejected them through one of its mouths, essentially vomiting them up. Their vehicle was heavily damaged by the stomach acids, but to James's delight, they had been vomited up on the other side of the mountain, and had made the Jarlacc very sick. Happy at this, they continued on their way.
The Sith TempleEdit
After the brief incident in the Jarlacc, Amy and James rested for the night in a cave. In the morning, James went into the back of the cave, looking for some water to wash his face in. He discovered a pool of water, and as he fished around in it, he found some sort of talisman embedded into the bottom of the pool and pressed it. The back of the cave opened up to reveal an enormous cavern containing an army of Sith troopers frozen in carbonite. As James entered the cavern to further inspect his discovery, he triggered a sensor which began reanimating of the Sith army. As the carbonite began melting, James panicked, and ran over to a statue of a Sith Lord at the end of the cavern. There, he triggered a holographic message from the mysterious Sith, which told James that only a Force-sensitive user would have been able to enter the cavern and that thus he was now leader of the army. This did little to calm James as the Sith soldiers began to gain consciousness. Then, Amy entered the cavern, and was shocked by what she saw. James, knowing all too well about the horrors the Sith had unleashed on the galaxy millennia ago, tried to make the cavern collapse. However, this triggered a self-destruct mechanism in the cavern, which caused the ceiling to slowly collapse. James and Amy barely escaped from the cavern as it caved in, burying the Sith army.
Shaken, James and Amy continued down the mountain in their vehicle. James was confident that this would prove to be little more than another minor adventure on their journey.