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HP:Gladiatorial combat

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Gladiatorial combatEdit

High Priest VoteEdit

ReviewEdit

From the infobox:

  • The eras should be separated by bullet points.

From the introduction:

  • “with different weapons against each other” - for some variety, I suggest changing “each other” to “one another”.
  • Should Afterlife be capitalized in this case?
  • There should be a comma between “Therefore” and “the idea”.
  • Inhuman should be inhumane because you’re not referring to Humans.
  • The entirety of Yuuzhan Vong War should be capitalized.
  • “New Republic era” is an out-of-universe reference and should not be referred to in the text of the article, unless it is in Behind the scenes.

From “The games”:

  • You should refrain from including (editor) like that in parentheses. Instead, you should say “organizer or editor”.
  • “combats against each” should be “combat against each other”.
  • The sentence that begins with “Usually this winner” and the sentence that begins with “But he could be spared” should be merged together.
  • “In the later days of the Republic” - specify which Republic you are referring to.
  • “assigning” should be “assign”
  • There does not need to be a comma after “play” and before “and the actual”.
  • There should be a comma between “fights” and “musicians”.
  • “rather successful lives” should be the end of the sentence. A new sentence should begin with “Some were able to purchase”.
  • The sentence that ends with “defensive fighter types” and the sentence that begins with “whereas the little shields” should be merged into one sentence.
  • The sentence beginning with “Little shields always had an advantage” is rather long. You should find a way to shorten it or break it up.

More will come for the following sections tomorrow.

VoteEdit

  1. So far, I have to oppose because of the above issues. I plan to complete the review tomorrow and I'm sure that the author will be able to easily correct the grammar errors, because other than that it's a good read and I think it's of acceptable quality. - President Brandon Rhea Presidentialseal (Pressroom) (Record) 04:27, 21 May 2008 (UTC)

CommentsEdit

General Vote ArchiveEdit

SupportEdit

  1. Red Head Rider Rhrholocon | HoloNet | war zone | battle cry

OpposeEdit

  1. See below -
    From the infobox:
    • The eras should be separated by bullet points.
    From the introduction:
    • “with different weapons against each other” - for some variety, I suggest changing “each other” to “one another”.
    • Should Afterlife be capitalized in this case?
    • There should be a comma between “Therefore” and “the idea”.
    • Inhuman should be inhumane because you’re not referring to Humans.
    • The entirety of Yuuzhan Vong War should be capitalized.
    • “New Republic era” is an out-of-universe reference and should not be referred to in the text of the article, unless it is in Behind the scenes.
    From “The games”:
    • You should refrain from including (editor) like that in parentheses. Instead, you should say “organizer or editor”.
    • “combats against each” should be “combat against each other”.
    • The sentence that begins with “Usually this winner” and the sentence that begins with “But he could be spared” should be merged together.
    • “In the later days of the Republic” - specify which Republic you are referring to.
    • “assigning” should be “assign”
    • There does not need to be a comma after “play” and before “and the actual”.
    • There should be a comma between “fights” and “musicians”.
    • “rather successful lives” should be the end of the sentence. A new sentence should begin with “Some were able to purchase”.
    • The sentence that ends with “defensive fighter types” and the sentence that begins with “whereas the little shields” should be merged into one sentence.
    • The sentence beginning with “Little shields always had an advantage” is rather long. You should find a way to shorten it or break it up.
    More will come for the following sections tomorrow. All and all, this is a good read so far. There's just quite a few grammar problems, but that can be easily fixed. - President Brandon Rhea Presidentialseal (Pressroom) (Record) 04:23, 21 May 2008 (UTC)
  2. My quibbles are as follows:
    • In that same section, you wrote 'natureal', rather than natural.
    • In that same section, it says 'Not only was a the sport given rebirth' should be 'Not only was the sport given rebirth.'
    • Same section, 'finacal' should be 'financial'.
    • Same section, 'Some organizers of the fights, feared the opposition could get in their way' should be 'some organisers of the fights feared the opposition could get in their way.' No comma.
    • In the Prime section, 'allowing women to brake the old honor codes' should be 'allowing women to break the old honor codes.'
    • In the 'A Gladiators career' section, 'avalable' should be available.
    • Same section, 'Image:Arenacourt.jpg|right|thumb|Two Humans are sentanced to fight in the arena' should have the caption changed to Two Humans are sentenced to fight in the arena.
    • Same section, 'schools throughout' has a double space.
    • Same section, space has been pressed before the full stop in this sentence: 'exercises .'
    • Same here: 'unions formed'.
    • Same section, 'for a novices' should be changed to 'for a novice' or 'for novices'.
    • In the section 'Types of Gladiators', it says: 'guard extending'. Double spacing.
    • Same section, same mistake here: 'net .'
    • Ditto: 'breastplate which'.
    • Same. 'did .'
    • In the types of combat section, it says: 'secound'. Should be second.
    That's all I can find for now. Darthtomsig My page iChat What I've done 16:51, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
  3. No objections other than the aforementioned spelling/grammar errors. -MPK 15:50, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
  4. My objections:
    • Some sentences need to be combined. In the infobox, it says Humans, Urgals and Hutts were popular, due to the Cilwelli's hatred for these species. Wookiees were also popular, due to their incredible physical abilities. Sometimes, battle droids were used as gladiators. It would read better as Humans, Urgals, and Hutts were popular, due to the Cilwelli's hatred for these species, and also Wookiees due to their incredible physical abilities. Sometimes, even battle droids were used as gladiators.
    • In the games: Meals were often provided. The day began with a religious ceremony. A Vranga would sacrifice a choice slave to the god Graef. The sacrifice was followed by live executions. This sounds very choppy and some sentences should again be combined.
    • During the fights musicians played accompaniments altering their tempo to match that of the combat. Typical instruments were a long straight trumpet, a large curved instrument or a water-organ. These musicians were often dressed as animals with names such as "flute playing bear" and "horn-blowing chicken", names sometimes found displayed on contemporary mosaics. The order of the sentences should be changed. In sentence 1, it talks about musicians playing; in sentence 2 it talks about the kinds of instruments; in sentence 3 it talks about the musicians again. The order should be 1-3-2.
    • I think breaking some things into sections might help make it feel more organized.
    • Everyone else seems to have pointed out the spelling mistakes so I didn't look for any, but I noticed this one: The secound type of main combat was known as huze.
  5. Per above. I like this article, but perhaps you could also increase the size of some of the images? To at least 150px, otherwise they're very small. --Victor (talk) 18:55, 24 May 2008 (UTC)

Neutral/commentsEdit

Alright. Thanks for the speedy review. Keep the corrections coming. I'll start fixing the grammar problems as soon as time permits. Red Head Rider Rhrholocon | HoloNet | war zone | battle cry

You're welcome, and sure thing. - President Brandon Rhea Presidentialseal (Pressroom) (Record) 16:08, 21 May 2008 (UTC)

Obi Maul12's complaints:

From "Attitudes toward Gladiators":

  • "Gladiators rarely lived past age 30 unless they were particularly outstanding and accomplished victors but at a time when around 60 percent of Cilwellian citizens died, from all causes, before age 40." Needs to be reworded.
  • "These clubs support certain gladiators or teams." Needs to be changed to past tense.
  • "...on the one hand to be a gladiator was the ultimate social disgrace..." A comma is needed after "hand".
  • "Despite or because of the prohibition many rich women sought intimate contact with gladiators and there are several instances of historians mentioning Senators wives running off to live with gladiators." Sort of a run-on, I think. Some commas would certainly be nice.
  • "This indicates that gladiators in fact tended to almost as long as the general populace..." It should be "tended to live".

From "Types of Gladiators":

  • "Women apparently fought at night, and this being the time that the games main events were held..." Apostrophe in "games".
  • "The children were often sent to gladiator schools because their parents could not longer afford to keep them." "Not" needs to be changed to "no".
  • "If the gladiators of rare sects, such as females, upper class warriors, or left-handed fighters..." It should be "If the gladiators were of rare sects".
  • "...similar to joust but without being able to see each other." Joust should be jousting.
  • "...the Bestiarii became highly trained gladiators specializing n fighting various types of..." Change "n" to "in".
  • "In early depictions, these lightly-armed gladiators wear scale armor, a medium-sized round cavalry shield, and a brimmed helmet without a crest, but two decorative feathers." Wear to wore.
  • "Used a lance, helmet and small shield." Make it a complete sentence.
  • "Hoplomachi: They wore quilted, trouser-like leg wrappings, maybe made from linen..." "Maybe" should be changed to "possibly".
  • "Laqueatores may be a kind of Retiarius..." Past tense.
  • "Used a lightwhip, lightspear and a shield which was fixed to the left arm with straps." Sentence.
  • "They fought with a tall, rectangular shield and the lgithsaber." "The lgithsaber" to "a lightsaber".
  • "Rudiarius: A gladiator who had won his freedom but chooses to remain a gladiator." Past tense.
  • "The first two would fight with the winner then fighting the third man, this third man is the Tertiarius." A run-on.
  • "Velites: Fought on foot, each holding a spear with attached thong in strap for throwing. Named for the early Republican army units of the same name." Sentences.
  • "Specialized in wild animal hunts instead of fighting them as the Bestiarii did ." Fix the space after "did", and make the sentence clear.
  • "The most common was the conventional fights..." Was to were.
  • "Don't know if someone else caught this, but "The secound type of main combat..." Second.
  • "Unless he showed great bravery during the match, the winner was usual executed right after the match." Usual to usually.
  • "Another popular style was a fight between two beast, or a gladiator and a beast." Beast to beasts.
  • "They wore no armor, in fact, they often fought completely naked. " Change the comma after "armor" into a semi-colon.
  • "Most of the time, the fights ended with the beast being slaying." Slaying to slayed.
  • "Sometimes the youth were simply thrashed by their tarboe." Change it to "Sometimes, the young children were trashed by their tarboe."
  • "Rater, they fought with neuronic whips and wore masks made of a plant called yussu." Rater to later.
  • "Likewise, because of the high causality rate, very gladiators volunteered." Should be "Very few gladiators volunteered."
  • "Editors would higher Jedi or other Force-sensitives to compete in the games." Higher to hire.

That's all I found from the "Attitudes toward Gladiators" section and below. I'll look at the rest in a little while. -- Joe Butler (Obi Maul12) talk 22:53, 24 May 2008 (UTC)

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