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CS:Yuuzhan'rarr

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This is the review page for the successful featured article nomination of Yuuzhan'rarr.

Featured Article Nomination[]

This section is no longer active. Should you wish to voice your opinion on the article, please do so on its talk page. This is the archived review page for the successful featured article nomination of Yuuzhan'rarr.

Approve – (4 Council of Seers/4 users/8 total)

  1. Mine--VGPKane EraiconCOMMLINK 03:43, January 31, 2012 (UTC)
  2. Council of Seers vote My quality standards don't change between GANs and FANs, so I don't need to re-review here. Thinking back on it, this could've been nominated as a FAN from the outset. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 17:11, January 31, 2012 (UTC)
  3. Per Brandon.--Cheers Dog of War AKA the God of Raw 15:54, February 2, 2012 (UTC)
  4. Council of Seers vote --Wylind (talk)(narratives) 23:36, February 4, 2012 (UTC)
  5. JM76 Comm 03:58, February 8, 2012 (UTC)
  6. It's nice to see you pushing this forward. Savage1138 18:03, February 12, 2012 (UTC)
  7. Council of Seers vote -BluethunderContact 17:40, February 20, 2012 (UTC)
  8. Council of Seers votePer GAN and FAN. TK999 15:21, February 29, 2012 (UTC)

Objections[]

  1. SavageOpress1138
    • Personality and traits
      • Could you perhaps give us just a little more information? The one paragraph you have is good, but I think you could probably provide a little more. I'll leave it up to you.
        • Expanded a bit--VGPKane EraiconCOMMLINK 15:49, February 11, 2012 (UTC)
      • "After her experience as his prisoner, Mara Jade thought of him as a sadist, because he found pain in torturing her." Um, if he was a sadist, why is he finding pain in torturing her? Shouldn't he be finding pleasure or something like that?
        • Um... ya... dumb mistake, fixed--VGPKane EraiconCOMMLINK 16:38, February 12, 2012 (UTC)
    • Powers and abilities
      • Again, this section could be expanded with more information.
        • If you don't think you can expand it, that's okay, you just need to tell me. Otherwise I'll wait to vote until you work more on this section. Savage1138 14:28, February 12, 2012 (UTC)
          • Not much I can do. Sorry--VGPKane EraiconCOMMLINK 16:38, February 12, 2012 (UTC)
    • Relationships
      • Yes, I know, there is no section titled "Relationships", and that's just it. While a Relationships section is by no means required, it is recommended and I think you could probably do it well here. Here's what SWF:FAR has to say about a Relationships sections: "While it is not required, it is suggested that the article have a detailed Relationships section. This does not just mean relationships with a loved one, but rather it should be relationships with anyone who the character came into a great deal of contact with. This includes loved ones, friends, associates, enemies, etc. The section should analyze the relationships in the same format that the Personality and traits is analyzed."
      • Is one enough?--VGPKane EraiconCOMMLINK 16:12, February 11, 2012 (UTC)
    • Once these are finished I looked it over again, but otherwise it looks pretty good. I'm glad to see you've decided to try the FAN process. Savage1138 16:16, January 31, 2012 (UTC)
  2. Council of Seers voteTK-999
    • The Early life section mentions the First Yuuzhan Vong Empire, but later, he's inducted into the government of the Yuuzhan'tar Emirate. This discrepancy needs to be clarified.
      • Later, it says: "proposed the idea to tie the Emirate with its Purse Worlds into an empire," in the Council Member section. Enough explaination?--VGPKane EraiconCOMMLINK 19:51, February 26, 2012 (UTC)
        • But this means that the Emirate existed before the Empire, whereas the latter is mentioned first. TK999 13:56, February 27, 2012 (UTC)
    • Cannot find anything else know. Sorry about the late response. TK999 18:06, February 26, 2012 (UTC)

Comments[]

Good article Nomination[]

This section is no longer active. Should you wish to voice your opinion on the article, please do so on its talk page. This is the archived review page for the successful good article nomination of Yuuzhan'rarr.

Approve (4 Seers/4 users/8 total)

  1. It is mine--VGP 16:39, December 27, 2011 (UTC)
  2. Council of Seers vote The author's thorough elaboration and relentless checks on the objections truly imrpoved the article to an extent that it's more than eligible for good status. TK999 16:54, January 7, 2012 (UTC)
  3. Per TK. -- JM76 Comm 20:00, January 8, 2012 (UTC)
  4. Great article! Hopefully this is the first of many noms from this author. Savage1138 00:13, January 12, 2012 (UTC)
  5. Council of Seers voteMy objections have been met. Trak Nar Ramble on 06:36, January 15, 2012 (UTC)
  6. :)--Dog of War AKA the God of Raw 18:43, January 17, 2012 (UTC)
  7. Council of Seers vote Per Savage. -BluethunderContact 17:18, January 21, 2012 (UTC)
  8. Council of Seers vote Brandon Rhea(talk) 04:49, January 24, 2012 (UTC)

Objections

  1. SavageOpress1138
    • Council member
      • "The Yuuzhan'tar Emirate was to be reorganized into a Yuuzhan Vong Empire, with Rarr as its Supreme Overlord." Hold on. This guy is elected onto the council young–okay. He even gives them this great idea to reorganize into an empire, fine. Why would they put him as the overlord? There is a whole council of older, more experienced people that could do it. Mary Sue flag here.
        • I put him as chair of the council, he killed off the other members.--VGP 00:16, November 9, 2011 (UTC)
          • Better, although I think you ought to take out the parentheses. Also, you have: "After five years...", "after Rarr's death...", "After he had killed...", and "After becoming chair..." all in a row. Not good.
            • Now, only one after--VGP 05:18, November 9, 2011 (UTC)
              • Much better. Savage1138 21:18, November 9, 2011 (UTC)
    • Supreme commander
      • "He prophesied falsely that the Sith were not the enemies of the Vong, and that the Force was the essence of Yuuzhan'tar." I don't know a lot about the Vong, but I am pretty sure they hate the Force. Why would they believe him? Is it just because of him being their leader. Does being a Warmaster mean you are also a respected prophet?
        • Being a supreme overlord does... how should I clarify in the article?--VGP 00:23, November 9, 2011 (UTC)
          • Perhaps adding something like "Using his influence as supreme overlord he chose to make false....". Savage1138 21:18, November 9, 2011 (UTC)
            • Added--VGP 01:44, November 10, 2011 (UTC)
    • Tatooine
      • "Agreeing to these terms..." What terms?
        • Fixed. Made it more clear that the terms were handing over Kamino.--VGP 00:20, November 9, 2011 (UTC)
    • Battle of New Alderaan
      • "He killed Derech, making it look like he was killed by Ferus Olin." Why did he do this? What does he gain? He killed a useful ally, and made it look to his troops like this awesome guy on their side got killed by a guy on the other side. That would not inspire the troops very much, if that was his goal.
        • His goal was to get rid of someone who might infringe on his rights to the Empire/Alliance/Power in general--VGP 02:56, January 2, 2012 (UTC)
          • Then it needs to be added to the body. TK999 13:26, January 2, 2012 (UTC)
    • Mission to Teardrop
      • Is teardrop a planet or a city, or what? Also, why is it capitalized in the section title, but not in the body?
        • Fixed--VGP 00:11, November 9, 2011 (UTC)
    • Death
      • "As he lay dying, he told his son and successor, Shimrra Jammane, that his prophecies had been fake about the Sith, and that he never believed." To what end, for what purpose? Why admit after all this time that you are lying, when the only likely response to that is what happens to him.
        • I don't want to sound rude... but I wasn't aware that on the GAN nomination's page you can object to the actual storyline...--VGPCOMMLINK 01:10, January 8, 2012 (UTC)
          • You can't object to the story (unless it's a really bad story). However, I don't think that's what his objection was about. Typically, when a question is asked in an objection like this one, it's seeking to get more information and clarification. A comprehensive article shouldn't leave the reader asking questions, since it should cover all information. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 03:52, January 8, 2012 (UTC)
            • Brandon is absolutely right. I do not understand why he would do this, so I would like a little more information. Adding one more sentence explaining his reasoning should do it here. Savage1138 14:07, January 8, 2012 (UTC)
              • Sorry about that. I'll fix it, and again, I did not mean to feel rude.--VGPCOMMLINK 00:15, January 9, 2012 (UTC)
                • No need to apologize. Once you add this, and add the one other thing I'll be ready to vote! Savage1138 15:52, January 9, 2012 (UTC)
                  • Finally fixed. I think that was the last one.--VGPCOMMLINK 00:09, January 12, 2012 (UTC)
    • Personality and traits
      • "Rarr was known for being a warrior king, and in the end this was his undoing." How was it his undoing? It seems to me his undoing was charging into battle against two Jedi.
        • Fixed... I think--VGP 16:13, November 19, 2011 (UTC)
      • Perhaps you could expand this section in general. Not an objection, per say, more of a suggestion.
    • Powers and abilities
      • POV. Point of View. This section is full of it. Now, this section is always the hardest in terms of POV, especially on your first few. You must keep a neutral point of view. For example: "He also knew how to manipulate people very well." That is not neutral point of view. You are saying how great he was at doing something. Instead: "He was able to manipulate people by..." and explaining how he manipulated them. All three sentences have POV.
        • A bit more exactly, these are “peacock words,” defined by Wikipedia as:

          “[Peacock words] are often used without attribution to promote the subject of an article, while neither imparting nor plainly summarizing verifiable information.”[src]

          You should use facts and information to demonstrate importance. TK999 19:57, November 8, 2011 (UTC)
          • I think I fixed the section--VGP 04:46, December 21, 2011 (UTC)
            • I'll take that. Savage1138 14:47, December 21, 2011 (UTC)
    • It's a good article, especially considering it's, as far as I know, your first one. With a little work it should easily pass. Savage1138 19:40, November 8, 2011 (UTC)
  2. + Council of Seers vote TK-999
    • More information is needed about the Yuuzhan'tar Emirate; its members (primary species) and location and maybe a brief history should be sufficient.
      • Where in the article should I add this?--VGP 01:46, December 21, 2011 (UTC)
        • Upon its first mention in the article body—the Council member section. Something like “an Outer Rim government consisting of Yuuzhan Vong refugees.” TK999 12:00, December 21, 2011 (UTC)
          • Fixed Je pense--VGP 03:56, December 23, 2011 (UTC)
    • “In 6 ABY Rarr met with the Emperor of the Imperial Remnant, Derech Palpatine, on Tatooine, to discuss an alliance between the Remnant and the Yuuzhan Vong. During the discussions, Kamino was handed over from the Imperials to the Vong.” Assuming that Kamino's and/or the Remnant's location has not changed, there's a problem: The Essential Atlas places Kamino above the galactic plane, near Rishi, while the Remnant is on the opposite side of the galaxy, as visible here.
      • In my continuity, very little that happens after EP VI is included. Among that includes the position of the Imperial Remnant--VGP 03:54, November 22, 2011 (UTC)
        • Just to clarify: exactly which territories did it span in that area? You don't need to add this to the article, it's just for the sake of clearness. Thanks! TK999 15:48, November 22, 2011 (UTC)
    • “Had he not, Palpatine's plan to smash Coruscant into New Alderaan would have worked, and the Imperial-Vong Alliance would doubtlessly have won the war.” and “Rarr was known for being a warrior king, and in the end this was his undoing.” How do we know? It's nothing, just speculation.
    • That's it for now. TK999 20:30, November 8, 2011 (UTC)
  3. Council of Seers vote Brandon Rhea has something to say
    • Council Member
      • Why was he brought onto the Council at such a young age?
    • Supreme Overlord
      • For what purpose did he create false prophecies about the Sith? What was it that drew him to teaching about the Force? This is the first time you mention the Force in the biography, so it requires more detail.
      • How did these false prophecies and the Force teachings allow him to unite the Vong and the Remnant? This is the first time you’ve mentioned the Remnant in the article, so why are they uniting with the Remnant?
    • Tatooine
      • I’m not too familiar with Imperial Remnant territory in 6 ABY, but are Tatooine and Kamino even under the rule of the Remnant?
        • In my continuity, very little that happens after EP VI is included. Among that includes the position of the Imperial Remnant VGP to TK-999
          • Then please clarify this briefly in the article, such as saying that Tatooine and Kamino are Imperial worlds. Otherwise no one reading the article would know. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 02:32, January 13, 2012 (UTC)
            • Okay.. clarified in the article: Kamino is now is Imperial, and Tatooine is now neutral.--VGPCOMMLINK 02:38, January 13, 2012 (UTC)
      • What kind of alliance are they creating? Trade? Defense? Both? Neither? Other?
        • Specified in article as Military--VGPKane EraiconCOMMLINK 16:36, January 14, 2012 (UTC)
      • For what purpose did the Vong create a massive clone army? Define “massive” in relation to other militaries, or else it’s a weasel world.
        • Got rid of "Massive" and added purpose--VGPKane EraiconCOMMLINK 16:38, January 14, 2012 (UTC)
      • The bit about Starkiller could be confusing for those who don’t know the story of TFU. Perhaps there’s a better way to explain this?
    • Battle of New Alderaan
      • If I’m reading my dates correctly, both the Alliance to Restore the Republic and the Alliance of Free Planets no longer exist at this point, and it’s now the New Republic. So when you say “Alliance forces,” what Alliance is this referring to?
      • The sentence about killing Derech and framing Ferus should be greatly expanded. How did he kill Palpatine? How did he frame Ferus? Who is Ferus? What was the result of this?
        • Added, added, added and added--VGPKane EraiconCOMMLINK 16:54, January 14, 2012 (UTC)
      • How is his Vong Empire now larger than the New Republic? I don’t have any idea what the size of the Vong and the Remnant were pre-alliance, so hearing that it’s larger than the New Republic has come out of left field.
        • This hasn't been answered, unless I missed something. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 17:45, January 21, 2012 (UTC)
        • Fixed--VGPKane EraiconCOMMLINK 04:41, January 24, 2012 (UTC)
    • Mission to Teardrop
      • How did he suddenly become in league with the resurrected Palpatine? Is this the original Emperor Palpatine, or is this Derech?
        • Okay... since the original, canon Palpatine has no published first name, I have no clue how to differentiate between them. This was the original Palpatine, By the Way.
      • Give more detail on the Mission to Teardrop. You gave us the basics, but you need to explain it.
    • Death
      • You’ve skipped a lot of information again. We suddenly have a plot about slamming Coruscant into New Alderaan. Where did this come from, and how is this even possible?
    • Legacy
      • This is a confusing section. You suggest in the last section that the Vong were defeated. What does staying together loosely mean in that context?
      • In the previous section you mention that Rarr’s son not fighting anymore is what made them lose the war, but in this section you reference his son fighting again later as if it’s the same war. Is it a different one?
      • You say his son came closer to winning the war than his father. Nothing in the previous sections suggests to me that Rarr was close, far, or any other distance away from winning the war. I don’t know where the Vong stand under Rarr because the detail hasn’t been provided. Please provide the necessary detail in previous sections, and then expand on what “even closer” means in this section.
      • If Rarr’s name was erased from records, for how long was he remembered as a traitor? It can’t be for too many years or else how would people know about it? Oral tradition? Unofficial writings?
    • Personality and traits
      • “he was so eager for battle he charged into it against two Jedi.” Who are these two Jedi and when did he charge into battle against them? I don’t recall that in the article.
    • Powers and abilities
      • The piloting during the Battle of New Alderaan should be mentioned in more detail in the Battle of New Alderaan section earlier in the article.
      • If his showing of skill with the Tristaff was common, it should be mentioned somewhere in the Biography.
    • See also
      • This section isn’t necessary if you add those links into the appropriate sections of the article, i.e. linking to them in the text.
    • Overall, the main issues here are a lack of detail, but that can be fixed with some more work. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 05:30, January 12, 2012 (UTC)
  4. Council of Seers voteWhat Trak Can Track
    • Introduction
      • Just some minor wording tweaks.
    • Early life
      • Minor wording tweaks.
    • Council member
      • In 15 BBY, Jamaane was inducted into the Yuuzhan'tar Council, the ruling body of the Yuuzhan'tar Emirate—a council–run communist government made up of Yuuzhan Vong refugees who escaped from Yuuzhan'tar after its destruction—based on the planet Zonama Sekot. This sentence is a bit on the ungainly side. I'd suggest dividing it up into two sentences.
      • More wording adjustments.
    • Supreme Overlord
      • More wording adjustments.
    • Tatooine
      • Minor punctuation tweaks. Getting a bit comma-heavy there.
    • Battle of New Alderaan
      • Fixed a typo.
      • More wording adjustments.
    • Mission to Teardrop
      • In 10 ABY, Yuzhan'rarr, and the newly-resurrected Palpatine led a small squad of Vong fighters to the Republic outpost on the planet Teardrop, in which Mara Jade was taken prisoner, to New Alderaan. This has me confused. Was Mara taken prison on Teardrop, and then transported to New Alderaan? If that is the case, the wording should be adjusted to reflect that.
    • Death
      • Wording adjustments.
    • Legacy
      • Tweaked some redundant wording.
    • Personality and traits
      • He was also one who would do anything for his own well being, including fooling an entire Empire into thinking that his prophecies were true, and killing Derech Palpatine, but making it look like he was killed by Ferus Olin, who was commanding the Republic Forces on New Alderaan. This sentence is a bit clunky. I suggest dividing it up into multiple sentences for better flow.
        • Cut off the end--VGPKane EraiconCOMMLINK 06:27, January 15, 2012 (UTC)
    • Powers and abilities
      • Slight wording adjustment.
    • Overall
      • After three disconnects while reviewing this article, pretty much the most I could find were some awkward sentence structuring. Once those are cleared up, it should be good to go. Trak Nar Ramble on 06:13, January 15, 2012 (UTC)

Comments

  • Since Yuuzhan is sort of a title more than a name, I think I might rename it Rarr Jamaane to conform to naming conventions. I am not sure though, becuase he was only know as Yuuzhan'rarr, not as anything else, after his renaming...--VGPKane EraiconCOMMLINK 16:26, January 14, 2012 (UTC)
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